


The Finest Crime

by AriaBlackmoor



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Genderbending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 08:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8321140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriaBlackmoor/pseuds/AriaBlackmoor
Summary: In the distant past, the Lord of Sado deals with a troublesome youkai hunter.





	

The only thing I remember as the sun set that night was the sense of stillness in the air.

One of my subordinates had alerted me earlier that a youkai hunter had come to the island in search of something. I suspect now that word had gotten out that one was here, and that's why the other bake-danuki were lulled into such complacency, but at the time... well, let's just say I was just the slightest bit inebriated.

I would have stayed that way too, drinking the night away, had that horrifyingly shrill screech not reached my drunken ears. Youkai hunters were far too much of a hassle to deal with normally, not that I couldn't. It was just not worth the effort when I could be wasting the night away smoking and drinking.

However, it seems this certain hunter needed a lesson, a lesson that the only person who can bother my subjects is _me._ So, I cleared my head as best as I could, got some of my goons together, and headed in the direction of that frightful sound.

I found the culprit on the edge of a lake, the unmistakable box of a hunter's tools on his bag. He was kneeling over some sort of goo-like creature. From the distance, I had trouble identifying it—every time I seemed to make out a detail, it shifted just a little. What was unmistakable, however, was the shining object piercing directly through its form.

“Sir Danzaburou, what are you gonna do?” one of my subordinates whispered over to me. I pondered for a moment. A simple battle wouldn't suffice; Bake-danuki aren't particularly suited to combat, although given the numbers under my command we could probably take him out without trouble. However, the mysterious creature could get caught in the crossfire, and making a martyr out of this hunter would just bring more trouble to my island.

No, what I needed to do was _humiliate_ him. Perhaps a bit more troublesome, all things considered, but so much more fun as well. I whispered a few commands to the others and began my preparations.

* * *

 

I cried out as loud as I could, watching as two of the other bake-danuki finished all the final 'preparations' for the show I was about to put on. It took about two minutes for the hunter to arrive, lantern in hand. Of course, my subordinates scattered at his appearance.

“Are you okay, miss?” he asked as he pulled me to my feet.

“Y-yes...thank you for your help.”

He smirked, presenting a cloak for me to cover myself in, “Not a problem, miss. May I ask why you're out this late at night anyways?”

“I-I-I heard a strange cry...My daughter was scared and w-wanted me to investigate it...”

“Ah, well you don't have to worry about that now. I took care of that creature before I heard you cry.” Before I could respond, he continued, “Where do you live, miss? I'll take you there.” I nodded and gave him some vague directions.

He stroked his chin, “Hmm, alright, I'm not too familiar with the area but I think I know where that is. Do you mind if we stop by the lake first? I'd like to make sure the seal on the nue is still secure.” I nodded again.

He led me back to the lake, where the goo creature—did he call it a nue?—was still writhing under the blade. I held back a smirk of my own. Everything was going according to plan.

He finally turned back to face me. “I'd recommend standing back, in case something goes wrong.”

He took a few steps forward before slipping off the wooden box from his shoulders. Kneeling over it, he began to pull some powders and mixing them, then scrawling some charms on some parchment, but my view was blocked by his body. Then he stood up and scattered his concoction in a circle around the nue before going back to create something else.

“Um, sir, can I ask a question?” I asked. He didn't even deign to look up as he grunted acknowledgment. “What is a nue?”

Still without looking up or anything, he began, “Well, when they first saw it it looked different, a sort of amalgamation of several beasts—have you ever left Sado?” I shook my head. “Ah, well, I'm not sure if you know them or not, but it's hind was like a tiger, a snake for tail, face of a monkey...or so my liege said at least.” He scowled over at the nue. “It seems to enjoy changing forms as it sees fit. If that blade wasn't in it, I have no doubt it would have taken another form by now.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I've been tracking it for quite a while. Thankfully...actually, do you want to help me with something, miss?”

“What?”

“Come over here, I want to show you something.”

I walked forward slowly, trying to put on the slight fear a young lady should have, jumping whenever the nue writhed or gurgled or made any other unnatural moves.

I was in front of him. Before I could even react, he turned his head, a predatory smile across his face. I felt something cave my knees in, sending a shock through my body and dropping me to the ground.

The hunter pushed me onto my back, ripping what was left of my garments off and forcing another seal across my chest. It brought with it another painful jolt.

“I'm no fool, Futatsuiwa Danzaburou. I didn't expect it to be _this_ easy to capture you, though.”

I tried to laugh, but only coughing came out. Truly, it was the first time I'd been fooled by a human. Figures. Letting out a sigh, I began to change my form back to normal. However, when I looked down, I was still in my disguise. Wait, no...my tail was back. I could feel my ears twitching on my head as well. Something was wrong.

The hunter was looking down at me, continuing to sneer. “You will die as you lived, bake-danuki: as a fake.” He paused for a moment to pull another shining dagger from a sheath at his side.

“Truth be told, the nue was just a lucky catch I'd found before coming here. I've traveled all over in search of notable youkai to defeat, and once I heard someone mention _the great_ Futatsuiwa Danzaburou of Sado...I knew my next target.”

I coughed one more time, finally clearing my throat enough to speak. “I'm glad to know my reputation precedes me.”

He laughed at me. “Don't give me that act, much stronger youkai than you have cowered und--”

“Then what's that in your hand?”

He turned to his hand, instantly recoiling and throwing the snake away, a stream of curses coming from his mouth. He stuck his hand into his robes again, only to find more snakes instead of the trinkets and wards he'd expected.

H-how! The seals should have bound both you and your powers!”

It was my turn to laugh finally, although I was still unable to really control my body, so it was not as grandiose as I'd wished. “It wasn't me.”

I could hear his joints popping from how fast he turned towards the nue, which had taken a vaguely humanoid form. Its wings reflected in the lake, wide and asymmetrical. The hunter's magical sword laid resting behind her—or, it would have been had one of my underlings not taken it's place before this charade began. The nue screeched even louder, and the rest of the hunter's possessions fell from him as they were turned into snakes. They landed around him in a fleshy, hissing pile.

“It's probably in your best interest to leave before she turns you into one too,” I heckled, but he was already fleeing.

Two other goons popped from behind the trees and pulled the seals off of me. I stepped over to the nue, grasping the creature's surprisingly feminine hand.

“Thank you for the assistance, dearie. Although, I just expected you to bite his head off or something...” I looked around us, gazing at the hissing masses. “Yeah, definitely did not expect the snakes.”

The creature tilted it's head at me, blinking, “I didn't.”

I looked back again, and the snakes were gone—all of the hunter's possessions were strewn across lakeside, no snakes to be found.

“Ah, a mass illusion, hm?” An idea was already forming in my head. “We'll have to talk about this later.”

She nodded at me, but then shuddered and began to lose her shape again.

I turned away from her to the rest of my assembled team. “Be sure to give this nue whatever she needs. I won't have someone as useful as her dying on me.” They nodded, but seemed to busy staring at me, “Got a problem with that?”

One of them spoke up. “N-no sir, it's just...look at your chest!”

I looked down and despite the magic seal being gone, there was a sigil where it had laid before. Curious, I attempted to transform into my normal form once again. Nothing happened. I won't lie and say I didn't feel a hint of panic at that, but I felt more calm than I'd expected given the circumstances. In fact, I'm pretty sure it confirmed that keeping the Nue around was a good idea.

One of the goons tapped my shoulder a second later, “How should we move the thing?”

I looked over at the Nue and it seemed to have returned to its gooey form. My underlings were trying to figure out how to scoop it into a container or something, but I waved them down.

“Don't bother.”

I sat down next to the nue, leaning back and feeling the softness of the grass caressing what seemed to be my now-permanent body. It was quite pleasant.

After a few minutes, I heard a cough from somewhere behind me.

I hopped to my feet, turning to face my underlings. “What are you still doing here? Go fetch my kiseru and something to drink then leave me alone!” I walked over and snatched the hunter's robe, then settled into my spot once again.

And, with that, I finally got to enjoy the night.

* * *

 

It was almost sunrise when the nue finally reformed and began to stir.

“Welcome back, miss nue,” I crooned, puffing out another ring of smoke.

“T-thank you...” it whispered.

“Don't thank me, dearie. You were the one that scared him off.”

“Oh...”

“Seriously, I didn't have a plan if you hadn't. But anyways, what's your name?”

“Uhh...Nue is what they called me.”

“Yeah, but what's your name?”

She just kept staring blankly at me. I laughed. “Fine, Nue it is then. Do you have any plans or places to go, little Nue?”

She shook her head, “Not really...I don't really remember much of what I was doing before he captured me...I don't really remember much in general.”

I took another drag from my kiseru before continuing, “Well, wanna stay around here for a while? I think we'd make a good team, Nue.”

She perked up. “You do?”

“Well, yeah.” I pulled back the robe and revealed the still-glowing sigil across it. “I can't use any of my powers due to this thing, and I certainly still need _something_ to help me mess with nosy humans. And, well, I wouldn't mind some company besides those goons. Someone with a bit more talent, as it were.”

Nue was beaming, “We can mess with humans?”

“Of course! Someone has to keep them in line.”

Nue jumped into the sky, doing a little pirouette in the sky before falling back to the ground, “Alright! Let's do it, Miss...uh...what's your name?”

I held the smoke in my mouth a few moments longer, not having expected this so soon...thankfully, I'm a quick thinker.

I exhaled the smoke, looking as suave as possible. “I'm Futatsuiwa Mamizou, dearie, and I own this island.”

* * *

 

“--Waitaminute!” the nun cut me off.

“Yes, miss Hijiri?”

“I've seen you transform, Lady Futatsuiwa. This can't be true!”

I cut her off with a mouthful of smoke, “Oh really, huh? Wanna see something cool?”

“See what? You're not going to get out of this that easily!”

I set down my kiseru and pulled back my robes, revealing my chest to Byakuren. I pointed right below my collarbone, to make sure she saw it—a very faint yet intricate scar.

“Still question my story?”

She was blushing, “P-put those away! If it's true though, how did you gain your powers back!”

“Ah, that's simple. Over time, the seal's powers faded. I could go back to my old form if I wanted, but I've come to appreciate this body.”

“Oh..?”

I gave her the lewdest look I could. “Would you disagree, 'Kuren?”

“Lady Futatsuiwa, have you no shame?”

“...Have I ever?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This piece was just a short thing, settling some headcanons I have about my favorite self-centered trickster(isn't she such a darling). Thanks for reading, hope to see you all again soon.


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